Jesus lived a life of suffering. he went through pain yet he endured life with patients and an indescribable love. he was rejected and cursed. people constantly gossiped about him. I cannot imagine the things he felt inside. REJECTION. the single most worst feeling. this is something that everyone is capable of feeling and this feeling tears your self worth apart. why is it that we as humans long so badly to be accepted? and how did Jesus go through a life of rejection and still love and trust?
I know that when I begin to feel the pain of rejection I instantly put a wall up. My self worth becomes non existent and my mind begins to play tricks on me. I go from thinking I am a burden to believing I am unlovable. that no one in their right mind would ever truly want to have a relationship with me. I begin to feel unworthy of friendship, of relationships, of companionship. Not good enough doesn't even begin to describe the image I see of myself. The wall is up and there is nothing I can do to take it down. I become numb, having no desire to invest in relationship. My mind tells me, if I am unlovable then I do not want to waste my time giving my love away.
REJECTION = PAIN.
Pain from feeling worthless. How did Jesus go through his life feeling this pain without feeling worthless?
He had a purpose. Did he know his purpose? or did he choose to suffer because he knew God was in control and that whatever his purpose was it was worth the pain and suffering.
TRUST.
God has a purpose for my life but one question remains. Why must we endure pain? Why must we suffer?
Fear consumes me and I struggle and fight against this constant feeling of rejection. Tired of feeling insignificant in relationships. I long to be wanted. To really feel love and not for any specific reason. Not for what I have to offer or because of what I give. A desire to be consumed in love because of who I am. to tear down this wall that rejection has put up and to be able to invest in relationships.
God designed us for relationships.
Selfless, loving, relationships.
EQUAL.
That is how it is suppose to be. The elimination is something I can only dream of. My desire is to live as Jesus did, To endure life knowing I have a purpose, even if i do not know what that purpose is. To LOVE because Christ loves me. To be bold and stare rejection in the face knowing that I belong to the King of the universe. to take my pain and turn it into joy. to suffer for the things I believe in. To build lasting relationships with no expectations and to accept that no one is perfect but I AM worthy of friendship.
Rejection = pain = trust = worthy = purpose
LIVE A LIFE OF PURPOSE
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